In the book “What Makes a Marriage Last: 40 Celebrated Couples Share with Us the Secrets to a Happy Life,” published in 2020, celebrated couple Marlo Thomas, 84, and Phil Donahue, 86, revealed the secret to their 40-year marriage.
The two reflected on their marital success and shared advice from other long-term couples. The couple is rightfully proud of their collaborative project, and they are unquestionably experts on the subject.
For the book, the actress and talk show host interviewed other celebrity couples who have been married for a long time to find out what worked for them.
“We began to wonder if there really is a secret sauce to a successful marriage,” they said. And that’s when we decided to break an unbreakable rule in our marriage – for the first time ever – and collaborate on a project.”
Long-lasting celebrity couples such as Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick, Chip and Joanna Gaines, and Viola Davis and Julius Tennon are featured in the book, along with their stories and advice.
“As different as these couples’ stories are, they share a common plotline: that of two people joining hands and stepping up to the most difficult, invigorating, inspiring, infuriating, thrilling, terrifying, delightful, and heavenly job on earth — making a marriage last,” Thomas and Donahue added.
Communication was also one of Thomas and Donahue’s secrets to a long-lasting partnership. There was also the simple notion that nothing could separate them.
“Through the years, you learn that nothing is that big a deal, and this isn’t going to break us up no matter what,” Thomas explained, “so you get used to saying, Ok, let’s just talk it out.”
Donahue stated that humor is essential for a successful marriage. “What is the key to effective communication?” “It helps to scream,” he joked. “At the very least, you’ll know if the person you’re screaming at is paying attention.” Then exit the room and count to ten.”
In 1977, Thomas appeared on Donahue’s talk show and the couple first met. On the show, Thomas stated that she found him “loving” and “generous,” and that “whoever is the woman in your life is very lucky.”
It was love at first sight for them, and they married in 1980. Thomas, then 40, married for the first time, and she became the stepmother to Donahue’s five children from his first marriage.
Donahue discovered during their research for the book that “if there’s any common theme to the [interviews] we had, it’s that you have to want to have a long marriage.”
Thomas added that long-lasting couples demonstrated their strength by dealing with what could have been breaking points in their relationships, such as the deaths of loved ones, infidelity, and financial loss, among other things.
“What makes a marriage last is what you do when you’re confronted with the really big stuff,” she said.
Another piece of advice that the two provided was to ensure your partner’s trust and support. It may sound simple, but it is not in practice.
“In a marriage, you have to know that person has your back. “This is the safest place I can be; he is going to be my everything — my life cushion,” Thomas said.
Ensuring long-lasting success in marriage is certainly a challenge, but Thomas and Donahue certainly pulled it off. It’s important to remember though that long-lasting marriages require sacrifices and plenty of hard work.