If there’s one thing America loves, it’s a Hollywood tell-all memoir — and it appears we’re about to get one with Jennette McCurdy’s acerbically titled I’m Glad My Mom Died. An extract from the book was released in Vanity Fair ahead of its August 9 release date, and if it’s any indication of what the complete book will contain, the actress is blowing the beans about her time at Nickelodeon. The actress shone as the blonde troublemaker Sam Puckett on iCarly for six seasons before getting her own one-season spinoff, Sam and Cat, with Ariana Grande. And, while McCurdy was a network darling and fan favorite throughout the 2010s, it appears that her time on the show was far more tumultuous than the laugh tracks would have you believe.

In this excerpt, McCurdy paints a grim portrait of a neurotic, obsessive, and emotionally abusive character, who she only refers to as “the creator.” (Twitter is now speculating that she’s referring to iCarly creator, Dan Schneider.) Her relationship with this man evolves as she rises through the ranks of Nickelodeon talent and is given her own show. He utilizes his position to make or break his young stars in order to influence them into complying with his conduct—and McCurdy alleges that this includes coercing her to drink alcohol while underage, giving her unwanted massages, and soliciting sweet, affectionate replies from her in return. By the end of her spinoff show’s first season, the creator had finally gotten into trouble with the network for his behavior and was no longer allowed to engage with the performers on site. McCurdy was so depressed that she rejoiced when her show was canceled. Near the end of her time at the network, McCurdy had a lot of trouble with bulimia and drinking.

The most stunning revelation in the excerpted pages, however, is that Nickelodeon apparently attempted to cover it all up. McCurdy recounts a difficult phone conference with her team, during which they tried to tell her joyfully that the network was awarding her $300,000 in exit money for canceling the show. McCurdy sensed a catch, and she eventually wheedled it from her agents and managers: the money would have come with the condition that McCurdy never talk of her experiences at Nickelodeon. She declined, and it appears that a best-selling memoir will bring her far more money than hush money. Mic’s requests for comment have yet to be answered by Nickelodeon.