Woman Refuses to Adopt Her Husband’s Orphaned Niece, Knowing That She Would Be Placed in Foster Care

A couple is facing a challenging decision as they contemplate taking in their recently orphaned niece.

The wife, who goes by the username OP (original poster), turned to Reddit seeking advice. She wanted to know if she should feel guilty about considering foster care.
Continue reading to find out how this situation unfolded…

The OP provided a detailed account of the unfortunate circumstances surrounding her husband’s sister’s passing due to a drug overdose. This heartbreaking event has left behind two children, Rose, who is nearly 17 years old, and Lilly, who is only seven years old.

The young woman proceeded to describe the living arrangement she shares with her husband, who hails from California, while they reside on the East coast.

«My husband’s only remaining family member is his mother, who currently resides in a modest home with her boyfriend. She is no longer working and has a limited income.» The OP mentioned that their living space is limited and they are unable to financially support two children.

Rose, the older of the two young girls, intends to stay on her grandmother’s couch until she leaves for college the next year. This situation leaves seven-year-old Lilly in need of a more permanent solution.

«She’s currently staying with them, but it seems that MIL is unable to provide long-term care for her due to various reasons. Additionally, MIL’s boyfriend has expressed his desire for her to leave his house,» OP explained.

However, OP made it clear that they were not willing to take Lilly in, despite her mother-in-law’s desire for them to do so. «My husband and his mother have expressed their desire for us to care for Lilly, so she can avoid entering foster care.» «I strongly disagree with this for several reasons,» she expressed in her post.

The primary factor influencing OP’s decision to not take in Lilly is her husband’s lack of responsibility. OP reveals that her husband rarely cooks, only doing so a few times a year, and instead prefers to spend his free time playing video games.

The husband is in the military and has long deployments. He often works long hours and night shifts, which makes the OP worry that she will have to take care of Lilly by herself because of her husband’s busy schedule and frequent work duties out of town.

One factor contributing to the OP’s hesitation is her personal choice to not have children. She raises concerns about the fairness of being expected to take in a seven-year-old child whom she has never met and who is not her biological family member.

Lilly’s additional challenges, including ADHD and behavioral issues, increase OP’s anxiety.

The situation has clearly created tension between the couple.

Many Redditors expressed sympathy for both Lilly and the OP, with one user commenting: «It seems like her husband is essentially expecting her to take on the role of a single mother. I sympathize with the niece’s situation, but if OP is not interested in becoming a parent, pressuring her to do so will only lead to negative feelings and a toxic environment. I understand that the foster system may have its flaws, but considering the circumstances, it seems to be the most suitable choice for all parties involved.»

Another perspective was brought up regarding the husband’s decision to let Lilly stay in their home, suggesting that it placed an unfair burden on his wife, who would have to shoulder additional responsibilities. It looked like the husband didn’t want to say no because he didn’t want to be seen as the bad guy, even though this wasn’t possible for them.

He is a dedicated serviceman who puts in long hours of work, even when he is not deployed. In some comments, OP mentions that she juggles being a full-time student with working 12-hour shifts. How could she possibly take care of her niece? Should she really quit her job? Is quitting school a good idea? «I’m sorry but that’s not fair to her either,” the comment continued.

They then said: «I sympathize with the niece, but it’s understandable that OP wouldn’t want to take on the responsibility of being a single parent to a child they’ve never met, just because they’re family.»

What are your thoughts on this situation? We would appreciate your feedback in the comments section!

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