Wife Refuses to Support His Husband’s Elderly Parents, But Is It Unfair?

A man, 35, has recently shared his complex family situation with us, which has sparked a multitude of opinions within our editorial team. He expressed his deep frustration over his wife’s refusal to assist his parents and provide them with financial support. The man is perplexed by his wife’s contrasting behavior towards his family members and her own parents. He reached out to us to hear the thoughts of our readers, and now he shares his story.

Patrick is feeling extremely concerned about his family situation.
Patrick, a 35-year-old individual, has chosen to share his intricate family narrative in a letter addressed to our editorial team. The man expressed his strong emotions and dissatisfaction with his wife’s treatment of his parents, and proceeded to provide some background information.

Patrick shared, «My wife Laura and I have been happily married for over 5 years now. It’s clear that Laura is making a significant amount more than me with her high-paying job. I work as a teacher and earn an annual salary of approximately $40,000, while she is employed in the private sector and earns a substantial income of $300-400K after tax. We divide our finances fairly, with her contributing 70% and me contributing 30%.

Patrick elaborated, saying, «Laura’s parents came to the United States from abroad a long time ago. Their ultimate aspiration was for Laura and her sister Margaret to achieve success in life, and now they both hold high-profile jobs. My wife has achieved great success in the field of architecture, while her sister has become a highly skilled surgeon. Meanwhile, my parents both work in jobs that don’t pay very well, and my sister relies on benefits to get by, so we are a family with a modest income.»

Laura helps her parents on a monthly basis.

Patrick continues his narrative, recounting how Laura provided support to his younger sister Ashley when she found herself becoming a single mother at a young age. Laura offered Ashley a secretary job at her office, but Ashley decided to quit after a month. It was a challenging position, especially considering she was raising a baby on her own.

Laura has a unique perspective on her parents. Patrick expressed his disbelief at the situation, stating that Laura and her sister Margaret give their retired parents $3,000 every month, despite the fact that they have pensions. “I just don’t get it, why do they need $6k?»

Patrick mentioned that his wife had reassured him that the money would not be deducted from their joint account. “However, as I grew up, my parents were also retired, similar to Laura’s parents, and they could definitely use the assistance. When I asked about the funds for my parents, Laura responded by suggesting that if I had the means to cover it with my own earnings, I should do so. I was taken aback and filled with frustration. My parents relied solely on me for support, while she and her sister were financially successful, so her parents would be fine regardless.”

Laura has her own perspective that influences her attitude.

Patrick shared, «Laura consistently emphasizes the immense sacrifices her parents made by moving to the country. She has come to sincerely believe that it is her duty, and that I should take care of my parents. She says I am in a wrong because of asking her to support my parents when she has never put pressure on me for not bringing more money to our budget.»

The couple has experienced numerous misunderstandings. The man shared, «We had a heated disagreement earlier regarding lending my sister money for her house’s down payment.» In the past, Laura expressed her reluctance to lend money to my sister, citing concerns about her reliability and doubts about being repaid. I can’t comprehend why Laura is so frugal despite earning a significantly higher income than me.

Patrick strongly believes that the family situation is unjust.

The man shared with us the reasons behind his parents needing assistance, despite receiving their pension.

In his writing, he expressed the heartbreaking reality of his father’s advanced stage of Parkinson’s disease, with doctors delivering the devastating news that there is no hope for improvement. My mom also faces health issues. She lacks the strength to assist dad with tasks like changing his diaper and other similar responsibilities. Right now, the best solution seems to be placing dad in a care home and keeping him separate from mom due to financial constraints within our family. I find it incredibly frustrating that Laura is already aware of all this, especially considering that her parents are currently in excellent health.

The man stated, «Her contribution would not have a significant impact on her finances, but it would greatly assist my parents. I can’t help but feel that my wife is being self-centered. If our situations were reversed, I would unquestionably lend a hand to her and her parents.”

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