I Never Make My Son Say “Sorry” And “Thank You” Because It Might Be Emotionally Traumatizing For Him.

There is a wide variety of approaches within the realm of parenting styles, and each of these approaches has its own set of supporters and advocates. While some parents adhere to the belief that they should be strict, others are more laid-back and place a greater emphasis on being compassionate and empathetic. When it comes to the second category, the hero of our story, Emma is a member. She shares her story with us to discuss her one-of-a-kind approach to parenting, and also asks for guidance from other parents, since she has often been subjected to criticism on the manner in which she raises her children. Emma chose to break the cycle in her family.

My son, Georgie, is 8 years old. From the very beginning, I had always dreamed of starting a family. When I discovered I was expecting, I made the choice to change the parenting approach in my family and break the cycle. The strict upbringing imposed by my parents had a profound impact on my mental well-being.

I want to share my perspective, reflecting on the impact of my strict upbringing on my own life. It was a challenging situation that impacted every member of our household. Dealing with the never-ending stress took a toll on my mental well-being, causing me to feel anxious and my self-esteem to plummet. I had a difficult time connecting with my parents. After years of reflection, I finally understood the impact this environment had on my mental well-being. However, as I grew up, I made a deliberate choice to face these obstacles head-on. Finding a balance between discipline and understanding is crucial when it comes to raising children. I aim to establish a nurturing environment for my son, where love, respect, and open communication take priority. So he can avoid experiencing the same challenges I faced. However, my husband has a different perspective when it comes to raising a child. He thinks it’s important for Georgie to grasp social norms and be aware of the consequences of his actions.

My son never offers false apologies.

The mother made a conscious decision to nurture empathy in her son, without placing too much emphasis on strict politeness. She shares, «One thing I’ve realized is that I will never insist that my child apologizes or uses polite words like thank you and please. I strongly believe that this approach has the potential to cause significant psychological distress for him.”

The mother expressed her viewpoint, stating that when children are forced to apologize, even insincerely, it instills a sense of inauthenticity in them. “It’s perfectly fine if your child doesn’t truly feel remorse for their actions. Understanding the impact of their actions on others is a gradual process for children. Apologies that are coerced can give children the impression that prioritizing the feelings of others is more important than their own. Occasionally, in moments of disagreement or difficulty, it can be beneficial to take a step back and reflect on our actions. By adopting this perspective, we are able to recognize our role in the issue and acknowledge what we have done. When we hastily prompt children to apologize, we fail to allow them the opportunity to reflect. We also advise them to disregard their emotions and solely concentrate on the other individual. It is possible that this could result in adults who constantly seek approval, find it difficult to stand up for themselves, and lack the skills to fulfill their own desires.”

That’s the reason why Georgie never offers false apologies. Emma recounts a recent incident at the playground where she took it upon herself to apologize on behalf of Georgie, who had pushed another child. “I think Georgie could observe my example and gain insight into appropriate behavior in that particular situation.” The child’s mother expressed her dissatisfaction and requested that Georgie personally apologize. Emma mentioned that when she explained her concerns about traumatizing her son, the mother criticized her parenting, referring to her as a «bad and irresponsible mother» for allowing her son’s behavior. She receives a great deal of criticism from her loved ones, too.

Emma continues her story, «What happened at the playground made our argument with my husband about parenting even worse. I don’t agree with his insistence on tighter rules. If someone wants to protect their own image as a good parent, they might hit their child or be mean to them to control what they do. This could be because they are scared or don’t know what to do. I want to be my son’s friend, help him understand how he feels, and go through life with him. The child learns about freedom, responsibility, and how those things affect other people this way. The connection between Georgie and I is already very strong. If I feel too busy, I’ll tell him that I need some time to myself. As he learns from me, he will tell me if he needs more space, too.”

Emma ends her letter by saying, «Even though I’ve always been sure of my parenting choices and seen good results, the constant criticism from my husband and other parents has made me doubt them. I hope your readers can help me.”

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