Navigating the delicate dynamics of in-law relationships can be quite a challenge, especially when different cultural expectations and individual aspirations come into play. In this personal account, a woman shares her journey towards asserting her independence and pursuing her own career, despite the traditional expectations imposed by her husband’s family.

My husband hails from a family with more traditional values. Mom is a stay-at-home woman, father is the sole provider. I have a different perspective – my mother made sure to instill in me the importance of being financially independent and not relying on a man.

My husband put in a lot of effort to break free from the values he witnessed being passed on in his household. He consistently contributed his fair share at home, and was actively involved as a father and a supportive partner. It’s frustrating to see how heavily he values the opinions of his family. I understand the desire for parental approval, but this situation feels too much.

My in-laws will be staying with us for a couple of weeks. Our typical routine involves me preparing breakfast, everyone enjoying lunch at work or school, and my husband taking charge of dinner. Since our cleaner is currently on holiday, we’re taking matters into our own hands and doing the cleaning ourselves. It’s up to each individual to keep their own space tidy, and we all pitch in to clean the common areas. This is our tried and true method that has proven to be effective.

My in-laws strongly dislike the fact that I embody the characteristics of a modern woman. It’s frustrating how some people dislike my work, my decision to not prioritize being a wife and mother, and how my husband shares household responsibilities. From the beginning, we had an open and honest conversation where I made it clear that I have certain boundaries. I made it clear that I won’t tolerate being criticized for how I choose to live my life in my own home. When I visit someone’s house, I make an effort to adapt to their preferences and behave in a way that pleases them. They have for the most part respected this.

After a long day at work, I finally made it home yesterday, feeling exhausted and starving. On most days, I arrive home around 6:15/30 PM and our dinner is usually at 7:00 PM. I exchanged brief greetings and hurried upstairs to freshen up before dinner. As I came down, I made my way to the kitchen with the intention of assisting in preparing dinner, only to discover that nothing had been prepared yet.

I asked my husband, but he refused to make eye contact, and his mother responded that he hadn’t prepared any food. She insisted that it was my responsibility as a wife to prepare meals for my family. My husband, who lacked the courage, continued to avoid making eye contact with me.

After a long day, I decided to take a break and treat myself to some delicious takeout. My kids and I sat down at the table to eat what I ordered. My husband and his parents helped themselves and joined us.

My mother-in-law just wouldn’t let up, constantly criticizing me and pointing out all my flaws. I asked my husband if he had any thoughts to share. According to him, his mother made a valid argument, suggesting that it might be beneficial if I embraced traditional gender roles and prioritized maintaining of my household and the well-being of my children. He said that traditions are there for a reason and that it was rude of me to think I was too good for the way he was raised.

This is where I might be the jerk. I explained to him that it is challenging for someone earning 35k to financially support a family of 5. Additionally, I found it disappointing that he held such sexist views, especially considering his financial situation. His expression showed pain, and I noticed tears forming in his eyes. He politely left the table.

It was really difficult for me when he said that to me, especially after I had already cleaned up his mess and dealt with his parents. I wish I hadn’t said it in front of our children, but it was just too much for me.

Reddit users shared their opinions on the situation:

1. I completely agree with what you’ve expressed. It was particularly notable that your in-laws were in attendance. I completely agree that it was inappropriate to say that in front of your children. It seems that your husband allowed his parents to influence his thoughts and he acted upon them. In a relationship, it’s important to be mindful of how our words and actions can impact our partner’s emotions. However, there are times when you must assert your position. © Peony-Pony / Reddit

2. If the in-laws ever come over again, it might be a good idea to take the kids and go somewhere else. Allow him to handle his parents’ foolishness. © Shutupandplayball / Reddit

3. I think the part where you invited his feedback is very important here. If you haven’t already done so, it might be a situation that benefits both parties. However, you clearly and directly presented him with a decision to make. Is he disrespectful or supportive towards you? He chose disrespect. © Cold-Lawyer-1856 / Reddit

4. A man who values his wife would not tolerate any disrespect towards her and would have the courage to confront a guest in his own home. He lacks strength and courage. They can leave & take him with them if they don’t find you a proper woman/mother/wife”. © KindlyCelebration223 / Reddit

5. Great job! What else could you do? It was truly disheartening to see your husband shame you, especially considering that his own children were witnesses to his actions. © loverlyone / Reddit

6. One of the first steps you can take is to kindly inform the in-laws that they are no longer welcome in your home. If the husband wishes to see them, he has the option to pay them a visit. I would establish clear guidelines regarding communication with the children. It’s unfair for your children to be subjected to negative remarks about their mother. © squirrelsareevil2479 / Reddit

Choosing not to conform to the traditional role of a stay-at-home wife can be a challenging yet liberating experience. Through this experience, she learned the importance of setting boundaries, standing up for herself, and striving for a fulfilling life in all aspects.