I’m 32 years old, and my fiancé is 38. I’ve been engaged to Chris for the past year. At the beginning of our relationship, he mentioned that he had two children (a 2-year-old girl and a 9-year-old boy) from his previous marriage, and they primarily resided with their mother. He would spend time with them every other weekend and for a few weeks during the summer. I was fine with this arrangement, since I’ve always been unsure about having children myself.
Everything was going smoothly until about two months ago when Chris’s ex-wife, Sarah, received a job opportunity in another state. Out of nowhere, he dropped the bombshell that the kids would be moving in with us permanently.
Initially, I attempted to offer my support, but it soon became clear that Chris had high expectations for my involvement in childcare. He started making comments like, “It’s great that you work from home. You can watch the kids after school,” and “You’ll make such a wonderful stepmom.”
Last week, I reached my breaking point when I accidentally overheard a phone conversation between my fiancé and his ex-wife.
Him: «Yeah, no need to stress about it. She’s available all day, so she’s capable of handling everything.»
Her: “Are you sure? That’s quite a burden to place on her.»
Him: «It’s okay. She adores them, and to be honest, it’s high time she began contributing her fair share in this place.»
I was absolutely livid. I immediately confronted him after he ended the call.
Me: «Pardon me? Pulling my weight? When did I ever agree to become a full-time nanny?»
Him: «Come on, Emma. They will soon become your stepchildren. It’s more than just babysitting; it’s the important role of parenting.»
Me: «But we never talked about this! I have a career, Chris. I’m sorry, but I can’t drop everything to watch your kids.»
Him: «My kids? They will become our children. Don’t you want to have a close-knit family?»
Things got heated as the argument unfolded, with Chris pointing fingers and accusing me of lacking empathy towards his children. He even went as far as to say, «If you truly cared for me, you would show the same amount of love and affection towards my children.»
I was overwhelmed with emotions, so I decided to pack a bag and seek refuge at my sister’s place. Now, Chris won’t stop calling me, going back and forth between saying sorry and trying to make me feel guilty. His family is criticizing me for my decision to leave the kids, claiming that I should have been aware of the responsibilities when I got engaged to a man with children.
But I don’t think I did. I never anticipated that I would be thrust into the role of a full-time mom when I agreed to marry a man with part-time custody. I have strong feelings for Chris, but lately I’ve been questioning our compatibility. I’m contemplating ending the engagement, yet I can’t shake off the guilt I feel towards the children.
Was it wrong of me to call off our engagement due to my fiancé’s insistence that I become his children’s full-time caregiver?